Unapologetic
by babygirljadewinchester
Summary: **Chapters have been fixed...sorry!***McKenzie James in the lead singer of Firestorm and she's set to leaver her rock'n'roll image behind and venture into acting by doing a guest appearance on Supernatural. But what happens when things get heated between her and Jensen Ackles?
1. Unapologetic

_"I miss the bad things_

 _The way you hate me_

 _I miss the screaming_

 _The way that you blame me_

 _Miss the phone calls_

 _When it's your fault_

 _I miss the late nights_

 _Don't miss you at all_

 _I like the kick in the face_

 _And the things you do to me_

 _I love the way that it hurts_

 _I don't miss you, I miss the misery"_

The loud guitar riff greeted Jensen as he opened the door to Jared's trailer, stepping in almost unnoticed by his friend who was studying his laptop and the woman singing rather intently. Jensen watched quietly, his head nodding to the beat as the woman on stage belted her heart out into a microphone. Her long legs were wrapped in black leather, a strip of skin along her midriff exposed and her torso covered in a blood red corset, matching the red streaks in her dark hair as she banged her head with the audience.

"Firestorm?" Jensen asked, making Jared jump in his seat and whip his head around.

"Fucking hell Jensen, don't you knock?" Jensen laughed as he flopped down in a recliner.

"No...and I haven't in the last five years unless Gen is in town."

"Good point." Jared muted the laptop, grabbing his script for the day and glancing at a few pages before Jensen spoke again.

"She's supposed to be here in an hour." Jared nodded and put his script back down, watching Jensen get up and get an orange juice out of his mini fridge.

"You ready to make out with a rock star?"

"Its a hard job, but somebody's gotta do it."

McKenzie James walked onto the lot of Supernatural and looked around, the various trailers all looking the same as she closed the door of her town car and waived the driver on. She chewed her lip nervously, looking around for a hint of where she was supposed to be. She had come alone, much to the chagrin of her manager and security, but she had insisted and they had thankfully listened. It was a welcome change to leave behind all the people that usually surrounded her, it was easier to feel lonely alone, instead of suffocating in a crowd that barely acknowledged you. With determination she stepped towards the first person she saw, reaching out to grab an arm of the young girl with a headset on.

"Excuse me, can you point me in the right direction? Its my first day, I'm McKenzie James." The girl's green eyes widened and her cheeks reddened.

"Oh my god...I barely recognized you, crap...sorry!" McKenzie smiled at the obviously flustered girl, seeing her wearing a black Firestorm t-shirt.

"Its ok, I barely recognize me without all that makeup." The girl laughed and McKenzie joined her, both of them visibly relaxing.

"You're still gorgeous lady, let me call and see where they want you first, I'm Jenna, I'm a PA on set." Jenna radioed and waited for a reply before pointing over to a trailer with a blue flag.

"Over this way, to the makeup trailer, you have your scripts right?"

"Yeah, got them yesterday. Thanks for your help Jenna."

"Anytime, we'll get you settled in hear with Tiffani and if you need anything just have them call me." Jenna opened the door, ushering McKenzie inside and introducing her to Tiffani. After she was settled in a chair, she and Tiffani discussed with the look for the day was and they were deep in a discussion about makeup when the door opened again.

"Hello ladies, how is everyone this morning?" McKenzie looked up, recognizing the voice of Jensen Ackles instantly and seeing Jared Padalecki behind him. She stood as the boys greeted Tiffani and Lea like family and eventually turned to her. Jared reached her first, holding out his hand.

"Hey, I don't think we've met?" McKenzie bit her lip and shook his hand, Jensen joining them and holding his hand as well as she spoke.

"No, we haven't, I'm McKenzie James." She watched as two sets of eyes widened in surprise and took her in, from the tips of her Chuck D's, up her ripped jeans and faded Aerosmith t-shirt to her black frame glasses, makeup free face and dark brown wavy hair.

"Nice to meet you McKenzie, we're glad to have you here." She smiled and they settled in their chairs, Jared quickly striking up a conversation about the last Firestorm album as Jensen studied his lines.

"Great work today McKenzie." Jared came up behind her and threw and arm around her shoulder, she laughed and looked up at him, her face still streaked with blood from the scene they shot earlier.

"Thanks! I'm exhausted, that was the hardest I've worked in a long time." He laughed as they passed Jensen, who fell in step beside her silently as they made their way to the lot covered with trailers.

"That's what all the girls that have to kiss Jensen say." McKenzie snorted with laughter as Jared cursed when Jensen's hand connected with the back of his head. Jared rubbed the back of his head as Jensen laughed at him.

"Yep, that was what pushed me over the edge, kissing Jensen for an hour was awful." She turned to see the tips of Jensen's ears turn bright red as he laughed.

"Completely agree, worst hour of my life." Jensen stole a glance at her, the corners of his mouth turning up in a grin as her cheeks reddened. She nervously tucked hair hair behind her ear and returned the smile, trying to push down the memory of the way her breath hitched when his lips first settled on hers. What should have been an embarrassing and awkward situation, had turned out to be a moment that took her breath away. As professional as she had tried to be with at least 20 people watching, she had not been prepared for the way her skin tingled when Jensen had leaned in to kiss her on camera. She had been joking around with both of them on set all day, finding them to both be charming and funny, not to mention great actors who helped her a lot on her first venture into acting. Jensen was more quiet off camera than she had anticipated, but they had run lines for an hour or so before their big kissing scene and he had helped her with her character, his thoughts and insights into her character making her see why he was such a great director as well as an actor. He took everything in and used it on set to develop his character like a true artist. She had watched him do a scene with Jared that nearly brought her to tears, he was gifted and he moved her just like music had up until her last album with her band. That was why she had auditioned for this role, she needed to feel inspired again and being around Jensen was proving to be just what she needed.

"You have plans tonight Kenzi?" She looked up at Jared as they walked towards the trailers, trying to remember which one she was using as the guest star.

"No, but I have a radio interview in the morning, so I'm probably going to head to bed as soon as I get back to the hotel, 5 am is very, very early." They laughed and said their goodbyes, Jensen being kind to point her in the direction of her trailer when she looked lost. She grabbed her things and headed out to her awaiting car, exhausted and ready for sleep.

Jensen got to set before Jared the next morning, having an earlier call time and he was on his way to his trailer when he heard the strum of an acoustic guitar. Tossing his bag in his trailer door he turned and headed over to the trailer Kenzi was using, finding her door open and her voice floating out to him.

 _"Because I'm unapologetic_

 _Unapologetic with you tonight_

 _Nothing to hide_

 _Unapologetic_

 _Unapologetic, turn on the light_

 _All of the lights_

 _And I'll take you as you are_

 _And we'll burn like the stars"_

He watched her sing, a notepad on the floor in front of her, her eyes closed and her hands strumming her guitar. She didn't notice him right away and he studied her, finding the girl sitting in front of him to be vastly different than the woman he saw on Jared's laptop the day before. Her skin was free of makeup, her hair a beautiful chestnut with honey gold strands that fell down her back in loose curls. She had gorgeous whiskey colored eyes, a piercing over her left eyebrow the most hard rock thing about her as she was simply dressed in a black tank top and jeans, her feet bare and curled up underneath her as she sat on the floor of the trailer. She stopped playing and scribbled on the paper, dropping the pen and turning up to see him as her fingers played a chord.

"Hey, come on in." She placed her hand flat on her guitar and smiled up at him, her eyes bright as she reached for her coffee and motioned to a recliner.

"I don't want to interrupt." She shook her head as she swallowed her last sip of coffee.

"Nonsense, I could use the break, I've been trying to hammer out these lyrics for an hour with no luck." Jensen sat on the floor across from her, leaning up against the wall with his legs stretched out in front of him.

"Sounded pretty good to me, but that's not saying much."

"Shut up, I've heard you sing, you're really good." His eyes widened and she laughed, resting her guitar on her lap and shrugging her shoulders. "I never said I wasn't a fan of the show, I've seen some YouTube videos, enough to know you have talent."

"Thanks, but I'm no where near your level."

"Everyone has to start somewhere and you do have a great voice, have you ever recorded?"

"Just backing vocals on a friend's album, I love what I do, singing is just for fun. So what are you stuck on?" He motioned to the notepad and she pushed it towards him, he picked it up, grateful to get the focus of himself as he read over the lyrics. He penciled in a few changes and handed it back to her, not meeting her gaze as she picked read it over, wrote down a few things and slid it back to him. They went back and forth for about twenty minutes before she picked up her guitar and sang it through, her voice sure and strong as he relaxed back and listened to her in awe.

Once she was done she put her guitar down and stood, doing a little dance as she came over to him and motioned for him to stand up, throwing her arms around him in a hug once he did. He laughed as he pulled her close, his nose picking up the scents of jasmine and vanilla as her body molded to his. He closed his eyes, unable to stop himself from holding her a litte longer than necessary before letting her go, noticing she barely took a step away from him as she looked up at him from under long lashes.

"So what do you think?" He knew she meant the song, which he really liked, but as she bit her bottom lip he had the feeling she was asking about something more than lyrics.

"It's beautiful." She smiled, running her hands through her hair as she looked down at her bare toes next to his boots, her eyes traveling up the length of him before crashing back into his green gaze.

"Really?" He nodded and her skin flushed, making him lick his lips as he reached for her waist just as someone knocked on her trailer door. She jumped, clearly startled as she took a deep breath and took a step away from him, her voice shaking as she called out.

"Come in!" Jenna opened the door and bounded up the steps, clearly surprised to see Jensen there as well.

"Hey McKenzie, here's your script changes for today, oh and your's too Jensen." Jensen took the newly printed script from Jenna as she continued. "We're going to start a couple hours late today due to the changes, we've already contacted your manager McKenzie and he said you could take a flight out late tomorrow to allow for the extra scenes tonight."

"Oh, ok." McKenzie started flipping through the script, seeing Jensen pull out his as well, her eyes widening when she got halfway through the script.

"What the hell?" Jensen's voice startled her, making her look up to see him pull out his phone and type out a text before looking over at her.

"I take it you got to the sex scene to?"

McKenzie was standing on the set of a motel room, the lime green and wood fixtures reminding her of how her grandmother's house was decorated, like a scene from 1970. She heard heavy footfalls behind her and turned to see Jensen stop within arm's reach of her and she gave him a small smile.

"So you're ok with this?" He seemed overly concerned, even a little shy for having done this before.

"I'm good Jensen, at least it's day two, our last video I got to roll around the sheets with some dude in the first hour. I'm ok, really." She reached out and touched his arm, giving him a reassuring smile as the director came over to talk to them before they started the scene.

It started as an argument, then she shoved him, yelling at 'Dean' for putting himself in danger over her. He yelled back, gripping her arms tightly and snarling down at her, the tension building as she broke his hold and slapped him hard across the face. Her chest heaved as he laughed and took another swig from the whiskey bottle, holding it out to her and grinning when she took it from him and took a long pull before setting it down on the table. She turned to him, seeing him smirk before grabbing her by the waist and pulling her into a kiss, breaking free only to help her rid him of his shirt then hers, his laugh echoing off the walls as she pushed him down on the bed and straddled him, his hands running over her skin as she dipped her head to kiss him.

McKenzie stared up at the ceiling of her hotel room, wide awake as she thought of an excuse to text Jensen. He had been on her mind all day, the ease in which they worked together, the way he made her comfortable while they shot their scene together a few hours ago, acting completely professional and doing all he could to use his body to keep her's covered as much as possible to the limited crew on set. She wasn't a prude and she wasn't shy, she had bikinis that covered less skin than she had shown today, but spending that much time in an enclosed space with Jensen had fried her nerves a bit. She could have taken a flight home tonight, well to Nashville, which was a part time home for her these days, but she had opted to keep her flight for tomorrow. She was done on the set of Supernatural, her guest star experience over, she would presumably never cross paths with Jensen again and the thought left an empty ache in her chest. With a huff she sat up and walked over to the small kitchen area, opening the fridge and grabbing a beer just as a knock sounded at her door. Setting the forgotten beer down on the counter she looked down and shrugged at appearance, the grey tank top and pink shorts covered everything as she leaned into the door and looked through the peephole, her heart racing when she saw him run his hand through his short hair. She fumbled to open the door, reaching for his hand and pulling him inside immediately.

Jensen opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out as she took his hand and pulled him inside, the door shutting behind him with soft click as she led him into the middle of the room, the small sitting area on one side and the unmade king size bed on the other. Their hands were still entwined as she looked up at him expectantly, but he couldn't find anything to say, an hour ago a thousand thoughts coursed through his brain, finally making him leave his apartment and grab a taxi over to the hotel to see her. Now here he was, with her looking up at him like he owned the sun and all he knew was that he couldn't let her leave tomorrow without seeing her again. As he stared down at her he felt his heart thud in his chest as she bit her bottom lip and looked down to where his hand held hers.

She looked up at him just in time to meet his lips, his arms coming around her and molding her body to his as his lips brushed over hers softly. She moaned into his kiss, her hands sliding up over his broad shoulders and into his hair as she stood on her toes to kiss him back.

Jensen's tongue licked at her lips and she opened for him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and walking backwards as their kiss became a tangle of lips, teeth, and tongue. She pushed his jacket off his shoulders as the back of her legs hit the bed, her lips leaving his as she climbed on to the soft mattress, kneeling on the bed as she took in a deep breath and he yanked his shirt off, toeing off his shoes before leaning down to capture her lips in another searing kiss.

Her head was spinning, her nostrils filling with the scent of him, warm cologne with a hint of peppermint as he bent over her, pushing her back onto the bed and crawling up over her, their legs intertwining as he settled his body on top of hers. She welcomed the weight of him, his erection pressing into the soft curve of her hip as his tongue danced with hers, making her shiver underneath him. His lips left hers as his jean clad thigh scraped against her soft skin, his hand tugging the tank top up and over her head before his lips found her neck. He sucked on her skin, vanilla filling his nostrils as she moved underneath him, whimpering his name as she shifted and eventually cradled him between her thighs. His mouth captured her rosy nipple, making her inhale sharply as he lavished her with attention. Jolts of electricity ran up and down her spine as his teeth nipped at first one, then the other, his tongue quickly soothing the pain over and over again as she grew more impatient with him and reached for the button of his jeans.

Jensen sat up, letting her eager hands ease the pain of his tight jeans and his head dropped to her shoulder as her hand slid over the hard plane of his abdomen and down into his boxer briefs, wrapping around the hard length joyfully as he sucked in a lungful of air. He raised up, grabbing her wrist and stilling her motions as he looked down at her. Her hair was spread out around her like a dark halo, her eyes glassy and her lips plump and bruised. Her breasts heaved as she fought to breathe, desire darkening her eyes and making her impatient. He left her long enough to shuck off his jeans and take another deep breath before hooking the waistband of her shorts, pulling them off and leaving her in just a wisp of lace covering her sex.

He lifted her leg, his lips kissing the arch of her foot, then her ankle, biting at her calf, licking just behind her knee and running his tongue up the inside of her thigh, only stopping once he reached the black lace and teasing her with the tip of his nose. She groaned in frustration as he ghosted over where she needed him and went back to her other foot, repeating the process until he was back to her dripping center, nuzzling her until he could hear her moans turn to cries of frustration. Then and only then did he grip one side of her panties and tug, ripping them from her body as he took one long, slow lick that made her cry out with tears in her voice. He used his shoulders to spread her out for him, his arms going under her thighs and his hands splaying across her abdomen as he held her down to the bed and at his mercy.

Her head swam as he circled her clit with his tongue, tasting every crevice without touching the nub that would make her writhe and shake. Her skin burned from the scruff along his jaw, the pain oddly soothing as he continued to torture her. She tugged at her own hair, her hands running over her face and then over her breasts as he stared up at her from between her thighs, his desire growing as her hands continued down and then made their way into his hair. With earnest tugs and throaty moans she begged him for more, her eyes meeting his and the sight of him between her legs nearly pushing her over the edge. His tongue fucked her mercilessly, little cries leaving her lips as he lapped up her juices, finally letting his lips wrap around her clit and suck hard as she screamed and flew into a million pieces.

Lights flashed behind her eyes and vaguely she heard him talking to her, whispering sweet nothings and impossible promises. She turned her head to find his mouth with her own, tasting herself on his tongue causing a shiver to go down her spine as he pushed into her gently. She winced as her slick walls stretched around his rock hard cock, his breath ragged against her cheek as he held her gaze and buried himself slowly to the hilt. His body stilled, every muscle tight beneath her fingertips as he lost himself in her, her voice wrapping around him much like her body as she begged him not to stop. Her nails raked down his back as he began slowly building her back up, pulling out nearly all the way before surging forward and filling her again. As she throbbed around him he could feel the need for his own release spiraling out of control, his hands grabbing her hips as the feeling grew like a fire in his belly.

She felt the familiar coil of energy, the pull of his eyes as he drove himself into her frantically, the green orbs begging her to come with him. Her hands cupped his face, feeling his forehead touch hers as their breath mingled and their bodies tangled. He couldn't take his eyes off of her as she pulsed around him, the slick channel of her sex clamping down on him just as he found his release and filled her with hot cum. He was shouting her name, not giving one fuck about anyone hearing him as she exploded around him again.

He could feel tears on her face as he collapsed on top of her, wrapping his arms around her and rolling to his side, raining kisses on her face and wiping away her tears. She buried her face in his neck, feeling him pull the covers up and over them, her eyes closed and her body wrapped around his. She wanted to stay awake and talk to him, but she was spent, every muscle of her body lax as his lips kissed her softly and she slipped into sleep.

Jensen squinted against the bright sunlight, turning away from the window and reaching for McKenzie, his hands finding nothing but tangled sheets. He sat up and looked around, the hotel room quiet and cold. She was gone, no sign of her ever being here left. He stood and found his jeans, pulling out his phone as he saw something on the bed, the blood draining from his face as he picked up the magazine, a note sticking out of the glossy pages. His chest tightened as he turned to the page with his face on it, his arm around the smiling blonde with a large diamond ring. Picking up the note he felt all hope leave him.

 _Jensen - congrats on your engagement. Kenzi_


	2. Amen

Jensen sat in his office, the tumbler of whiskey doing little to ease the pain in his chest as he reached over to his laptop, resetting the video and watching her face appear on screen. Even through the makeup and the lights, he could see the dark circles under lifeless eyes as she sang with her band at an acoustic radio show.

 _"Life has gotta kill_

 _Faith is gonna blind_

 _Hope is gonna fade_

 _The truth is gonna lie_

 _Sometimes there's no reason_

 _To justify the meaning_

 _But I won't run_

 _I'm not ashamed_

 _It's gonna take more than this for me to break"_

He had watched the interview, listening to her talk about recording the new album, her husky voice haunting him. They were going to be in Nashville for the next month, finishing the album before heading out to a spring and summer tour of rock shows across the country. She hit the chorus and as she belted out her signature growl he couldn't help but think that she looked ill, as if she was barely able to stand even though her voice never faltered.

He picked up his phone, his whiskey soaked brain taking over as he typed out a text to a good friend, knowing that he would jump on the chance Jensen was giving him. As he pressed send he downed the last of his drink, slamming the laptop shut and letting the dark envelope him as he walked from the desk to his leather couch. He laid down, staring out into the moonlit Austin night and willing sleep to come.

McKenzie read the text from her manager for possibly the hundredth time in the last hour. She still couldn't believe he had readily agreed to an appearance in the middle of recording. If anything this was sacred time, to live, eat, and sleep music until the album was finished. She sat down behind the engineering board, listening to the latest guitar track her trusted friend Mick had laid down last night. It was for the song she had swore she wouldn't record, it was too painful to think of him, to see his face every time she sang the lyrics he had helped her write.

"You ok Kenz?" She turned to see her band mate and drummer, Ty behind her. She nodded and motioned for him to take the chair next to her. Ty was a good friend, he sat down leaned back, keeping silent as she waged a war in her mind. Finally she set her phone down with a heavy sigh.

"I'll be out the next two days, keep the guys on track ok?" Ty nodded as she stood, following her and bringing her in a for a comforting hug.

"Don't let that douche get to you, ok? I'm just a phone call away, I'll gladly come right over and rearrange his face." She laughed and promised to call if any trouble arose. She said her goodbyes to the rest of the band and headed out to where a car was waiting for her, taking her home to pack and rest her voice.

It had been thirteen week since Jensen laid eyes on Kenzi, thirteen long weeks that were filled of nothing but longing and misery. He had been withdrawn, moody, and snapped at everyone he came in contact with, but when they arrived at the hotel last night Jared could instantly see an improvement in his mood. When they entered the main room at NashCon, Jensen immediately walked up to Richard Speight Jr., greeting him with a hearty hug.

"So did you get a hold of her?" Dick nodded and before Jensen could question him further, Jared came up behind him.

"Her who?"

"McKenzi James, she's doing the Saturday night special with Rob and the guys tonight, I just sent out a tweet about it and the fans are going nuts." Jared turned to Jensen, his brow furrowed as he stared at his friend.

"Are you fucking serious?"

"What?" Jensen shrugged off Jared's question, his usually happy green eyes going cold towards his best friend. Jared said nothing, he simply shook his head and walked away, knowing that Jensen had made up his mind and there was nothing he could do to change it.

"What was that all about?" Jensen looked at Dick and shook his head, trying to work out his thoughts before he answered his friend.

"It's complicated, just don't mention that I'm coming tonight, ok?" Dick nodded, unsure what was going on but knowing Jensen wouldn't ask him to keep a secret without good reason. Jensen thanked him and went off in search of Jared, knowing that talking to his friend was something he couldn't avoid. He found him in the green room, picking up his room key and schedule for the weekend.

"Got time for a coffee?" Jared nodded as Jensen grabbed his packet of information and they walked over to the coffee stand, grabbing drinks and then heading out to their rooms. They were settled in Jensen's room a few minutes later and Jared waited for Jensen to explain himself.

"I slept with Kenzi after we were done filming." Jensen blurted out, causing Jared to choke on his coffee and sputter before responding.

"Does Lyla know?"

"No...that's the other thing, Lyla's been cheating on me for months, I just don't know what to do about it." Jared sat down his coffee, leaning forward and fiddling with his wedding ring as he absorbed the information Jensen had shared with him.

"I'm not sure I understand, you slept with Kenzi? I'm assuming that happened because you care about her and not some revenge against Lyla?" Jensen stared at the floor, unsure how to answer the question, searching for answers to questions he had been asking himself for months.

"I didn't know about Lyla until six weeks ago, but it never felt...right. I just felt, I felt like I was wasting time, like if I got engaged it would work itself out. I'm so fucking stupid. I didn't know, I didn't know what it was like, to be like you and Gen until Kenzi. She's it, she's the one and I've fucked it all up." Jensen avoided Jared's gaze, knowing that the tears welling in his eyes would spill out and he'd run off to find Kenzi before he had a plan.

"I'm missing the problem here Jensen. If things are bad with Lyla, then why can't you just end it?" Jensen closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and saying the words he had been dreading.

"Because Lyla is pregnant and I don't know if it's mine."

"How you doing Nashville?" Dick stepped onto the stage, the members of Louden Swain having just finished a song and the crowd cheering in response.

"I think they are having a good time!" Rob Benedict answered as the crowd continued to cheer.

"That's what I like to hear! Ok guys we have a special treat for you...we have a special guest in the house tonight. You all saw her two weeks ago on her TV debut, please welcome McKenzie James!"

Jensen watched from the opposite wing as she stepped on stage, noticing that her hair was different first. The long locks were gone, cut more fashionable with it shorter in the back and gradually getting longer in the front. She wore tight, faded jeans, ripped and frayed at her knees and thighs with knee high black boots that made her taller. She had a black deep vee necked tee on and an army green fitted jacket. She looked healthy, nothing like the shell of a girl he had seen on tv a week ago. She waved to everyone in the audience, laughing and smiling as she walked across the stage. She turned and he could see the way her shoulders tensed when she saw him, her smile faltering for a half of a second before she turned back to Rob and took her place next to him.

"So McKenzi...what are you singing tonight on your Supernatural convention debut?" Jensen felt Jared walk up behind him, watching him watch her and saying nothing.

"I thought since this is all about the fans and I'm so honored to be considered part of the Supernatural family now that I would do a couple songs, the first I let the fans pick on Twitter today and by a landslide it was Amen!" The crowd cheered as Dick stepped off stage and Rob counted off for the band, choosing to do the full version of the song.

Kenzi walked to the edge of the stage, starting to sing and sway to the music, encouraging the fans to get up and come closer to the stage. Jensen watched as she commanded the stage, never faltering as she finished the second verse, walking closer to the edge of the stage facing him. It was the bridge and as her eyes met his, the full force of her anger his him with every guttural scream she let loose.

 _My life, my love, my sex, my drug_

 _My luuuuuuuust..._

Jensen looked away, he couldn't stand the way she looked through him, the way he felt as she finished the song. His heart ached and suddenly he wished he was anywhere but here. She finished the song and he tuned out her interaction with the crowd, looking over at Jared and seeing his jaw set and his eyes flashing with sympathy and disappointment, making Jensen look away as Rob started playing the intro to the next song. As Kenzi's voice filled the room, he looked up in shock, clearly anger wasn't the only thing she was feeling towards him.

 _I got a girl crush, hate to admit it but_

 _I got a heart rush, ain't slowin' down_

 _I got it real bad, want everything she has_

 _That smile and the midnight laugh she's givin' you now_

 _I wanna taste her lips, yeah, 'cause they taste like you_

 _I wanna drown myself in a bottle of her perfume_

 _I want her long blonde hair, I want her magic touch_

 _Yeah, 'cause maybe then you'd want me just as much_

 _I got a girl crush, I got a girl crush_

Kenzi fought through the song, keeping her mind clear until the last verse left her mouth, letting her eyes hit the floor as the crowd erupted in cheers. She had poured her soul into the cover song, having played it on repeat for most of the days following her exit from Jensen's life. She took a deep breath and raised her eyes to the crowd, hoping they couldn't see the tears shining there.

Jensen felt like his lungs were on fire, he just wanted to talk to her and he knew he was losing time as she waved to the crowd and exited the stage away from him. He turned and ran from Jared, ignoring his friend's voice calling out to him as he dodged a few friends backstage, watching as she was hurried through the green room by her bodyguard and out the doors to the back hallway leading out of the hotel. Not wasting any time he dashed across the room, catching the shocked looks of his friends as he never broke stride and hurdled over a crouched Osric before hitting the steel doors and nearly falling into the hallway.

"Kenzi!" She heard him behind her, his deep voice echoing through the hallway as she tried to make her escape out the back loading docks. She stopped at the doors, hearing him stop behind her and take a deep breath. She looked up at Griffin, giving him a slight nod before she turned to Jensen. He wasn't even out of breath, despite what had to be a fast sprint to catch up with her, he hadn't even broken a sweat. She met his gaze head on, never breaking eye contact as she spoke.

"I have nothing to say to you Jensen." He didn't falter, he simply closed the gap between them and held out his hand.

"Five minutes, that's all I'm asking Kenzi, five minutes then you can do whatever you want." She bit her lip, she didn't want to hear his excuses, she just wanted to walk away and forget the guy that stole her heart and broke it all in a matter of hours. Instead she nodded and followed him down a quiet hallway and into another small conference room that was empty.

"You've got two minutes." He swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry as cotton as he tried to gather his thoughts.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I'm sorry you had to find out about Lyla that way. I am engaged but it's...it's all wrong. I don't love her, I'm not sure I ever did. Six weeks ago I found out she has been with someone else for months, when I went to confront her about it, I never got the chance. She's pregnant and I'm certain it's not mine, but I don't have proof yet and I can't end things until I do. She's not...she's not you Kenzi and you're all I want. I was wrong to come to you that night, I should have been honest with you, honest with myself and broke things off with Lyla before ever involving you. I'm sorry Kenzi, I fucked everything up and all I can think about is how I've hurt you in all this. I don't deserve a second chance but I'm begging you, don't give up on me, don't give up on us." He took a step towards her, feeling all hope leave him as she held up her hands and took a step back.

"Don't touch me." Her voice shook, the tears falling down her cheeks as she stared up at him, her lip trembling and Jensen fought the urge to gather her in his arms.

"Kenzi I -"

"No...I don't want to hear it. I'm walking away Jensen, nothing you say will change my mind." She heard the uncertainty in her voice, knew that he picked up on it when he took another step towards her. "Stop it! Just stop! You can't fix this Jensen! Nothing you say can change what's happened!"

Jensen reached for her, surprised when she slapped his hands away, her hands coming up to push on his chest as she grew frantic to get away from him.

"Ok...ok, just talk to me Kenzi, tell me how to fix this." He held up his hands but didn't step away from her, seeing her cross her arms over her stomach and hug herself.

"Jensen...please don't do this." Her silent tears turned to a sob as she hugged herself harder, feeling her chest tighten as she stepped back and leaned against the wall.

"I can't not do this, can't you see? You're all I think about, I don't sleep because I dream about you, about that night. Did it mean nothing to you? Tell me you don't feel the same." He waited, holding his breath as she cried softly, fighting the urge to reach for her. Finally she looked up at him, shaking her head as she spoke.

"I don't, I don't feel the same. It was a lie, that night was a lie and you need to leave me alone."

"The song you sang says that's a lie." She shook her head, cursing him as she pushed away from the wall and taking a step towards him. With no warning he grabbed her, his arm going around her waist and hauling her against him, his lips finding hers and swallowing her protests as her hands fisted against his chest.

Kenzi swore as his lips found hers, his arms like a vise around her as she pushed at his chest, her words dying her throat the second she tasted him again. With a moan she opened for him, his tongue delving inside to taste her as her body melted into his. Her hands relaxed then gripped his shirt collar, holding on to him as returned his kiss passionately. He backed her up against the wall, trapping her with his body as he tore his mouth from hers and stared down at her, his chest heaving.

"I'll do anything you ask, just don't ask me to give you up." Kenzi opened her eyes, staring up into the green orbs that haunted her dreams. Her hands slid up until she cradled his face, watching his eyes close as he pressed his face into her palm, kissing it softly.

"Go back to her." His eyes flew open as she shoved him away, nearly losing his grip on her but managing to hold onto her long enough to plead with her one more time.

"Why?" Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath, letting loose with the one thing she knew would make him walk away forever.

"Because 8 weeks after we were together I found out I was pregnant and 2 weeks after that I heard our baby's heartbeat. The next day I started bleeding and I lost our baby...I can't stand the sight of you, its too painful." The air left Jensen's lungs with a whoosh as she shoved him away once again, not surprised that he didn't fight her, not looking as she ran past Jared in the hallway and out into the dark night.


	3. The Reckoning

McKenzie couldn't believe this was happening again, well she could because she had agreed to it, but she was pretty sure she had an out of body experience when she had. She took a deep breath and stepped through the heavy metal doors, following Griffin through back hallways until they reached the small conference room. He looked down at her and she smiled up at the large man with the wolfish smile, he had been a friend for years and she trusted him with her life, one word from her and he'd yank her out of her and plow through anyone that tried to stop him like an NFL linebacker. She patted his arm and nodded, reminding herself to keep the smile plastered to her face as she stepped through the doors.

* * *

No one noticed the girl slip through the doors, their eyes were riveted towards the stage as they all laughed at Jensen's impersonation of Misha, including Jared who was scanning the crowd as she stepped up to the microphone and waited.

"Ok ok...enough Jensen, we've got another question I believe, go ahead!" Jensen sat down, squinting against the bright lights as he looked over at the fan waiting their turn, his brow furrowing when he saw the tight jeans, the red leather jacket zipped up tight, and a black hood over her head, just a few strands of dark hair swayed against her chin as she spoke.

"I was just wondering...if you could share some of your favorite music or bands?" The girl's voice shook, her accent decidedly out of place in the setting of the Vancouver hotel, the boys wrapping up the last con of the season in their home away from home. Jared stood up, having had a hard time deciphering the girl's thick and strange accent.

"Um, could you come a little closer? I'm not sure I really understood the question?" The girl handed off the microphone, shoving her hands in her pockets as she came closer to the stage, hesitating when Jared offered his hand down to her and Jensen stood up from his seat.

"Come on up, all of our shots are up to date, I promise." The crowd laughed at Jensen as Jared helped the girl up on stage, holding the microphone close to her as she repeated her question to the crowd, keeping her eyes downcast and her face hidden.

"I'm...very shy." She felt Jared's arm go around her, the front row of fans squealing as her hood slipped a little and showed more of her face. Several fans began pointing and Jensen looked at them, clearly confused by their antics as Jared answered.

"My tastes vary, I'm actually a big fan of classic rock but lately I've been jamming out to the new Firestorm album. What about you Jensen?"

"Same, I really like the new album, I listen to a lot of stuff, country, rock, pop...I enjoy it all." Jared looked down the girl, her eyes remaining downcast as he asked her another question.

"What about you? Any suggestions?" Her voice shook as she shook her head, her face covered as Jared leaned down to whisper in her ear. He stood back up and looked over at Jensen, the sympathetic smile he shot his friend making Jensen uneasy as Jared's hand came up, pulling the hood off the girl and revealing her face to the crowd.

McKenzie blinked as the bright lights hit her eyes, a smile lighting up her face as the fans began cheering for her, she waved and blew kisses, her smile never faltering as she scanned the crowd and then looked over at Jensen.

To say that Jensen looked shocked was a bit of an understatement, his face was pale, his jaw slack and a shaky hand ran through his hair as he tried to recover quickly from the shock of McKenzie standing a few feet from him. Jared was trying to regain control of the crowd as McKenzie hugged him and Jensen swallowed hard, composing himself as they moved back to the center of the stage and someone handed her a microphone.

"So McKenzie James, creeper at Supernatural conventions?"

"Can you blame me?" She shrugged her shoulders and laughed as Jared held out his seat to her and she laughed as he helped her up on the high stool. "Don't you guys have anything in regular people size?"

"That is regular people size."

"No it's Moose sized!" The crowd laughed again and Jensen stood up again, offering his chair to Jared, preferring to walk around the stage as he spoke.

"So what's new with you McKenzie?" She looked up at him and for what seemed like minutes she held his green gaze, her eyes shining but her smile never reaching them. She felt the familiar ache return in her chest, the one that settled there every time she heard his voice or saw his face. Which had turned out to be often, despite the past she still watched the show, she knew it was some sick form of crazy, but she watched it almost every day. Binge watching episodes in her bunk on the tour bus while traveling to a new city and her band-mates fast asleep had been her way of coping since she had last seen him and he had opened all of her wounds with one painful kiss.

"Well we're touring, we actually play here tomorrow night so I'm really excited for that and I just inked a contract for my second acting gig. Little guest starring role on my favorite show." She winked at the crowd and Jensen once again felt the blood drain from his face. He wasn't an idiot, he knew the writers of the show had been toying with the idea since her first appearance had aired, he had just kind of thought someone would have talked to him or Jared first, but apparently this had been kept hush hush for this very reason.

"Really? Congrats! What show?" Jared played dumb, knowing full well the answer and feeling bad that his friend was being tortured slowly. Jensen had made some big mistakes, but he had spent the last month trying to pull his life back together after seeing McKenzie in Nashville and the fallout with Lyla.

"Little show about two brothers fighting monsters, don't think its going to catch on at all, I mean two hot brothers taking on what goes bump in the night? What wants to watch that?" McKenzie rolled her eyes, laughing with the crowd as she tried to play coy. Truth was, she was shaking on the inside. She wasn't sure what had prompted her to agree to another stint on the show but here she was and there was no turning back now.

The crowd was cheering and before long, the Q&A session was wrapping up, but they had time for one more question and a young girl stepped to the microphone, stating quickly that her only question was if McKenzie could sing a song for them.

"Of course! Is that ok?" She looked around at the guys, who both clapped and cheered with crowd. Jensen's face was completely unreadable and she took a deep breath, looking over to see Dick coming out on the stage with her acoustic guitar in hand.

"So the producers actually heard this song on the album and asked if it could be used for the show and of course we were happy to do that, so you'll be hearing this one again in the future. It's called The Reckoning." She leaned forward, strumming a few strands of her guitar until she was satisfied and then closed her eyes as she started to sing.

Jensen wished he could leave the stage, but he stood along the side with Jared and felt her voice wrap around him until he could barely breathe. A few months ago he would have given his life to see her again, but the last few weeks had changed everything.

 _Like a reckoning_

 _You never saw coming_

 _I'm the reaper outside your door_

 _You took everything made me feel less than nothing_

 _I'm getting what I came for_

 _Like the sound of all the stars crashing in the dark_

 _I said a prayer and buried your name_

 _And up through the ashes I rose like wildfire_

 _The reckoning_

The crowd was cheering as the song wrapped up and Dick quickly came to the stage, thanking everyone for another successful convention and thanking the cast as well. McKenzie took a bow with the cast and soon they were all headed towards the green room in back, breaking off into groups and greeting family that had come up for the convention. She bit her lip nervously as Jensen scattered from her sight, saying his goodbyes to a few people then leaving the room. She was still staring at the door he had exited when Jared came up to her, his wife and kids in tow.

* * *

"Hey Kenzi, we're headed out for dinner, you want to join us?" She smiled up at Jared as he made introductions to his wife Gen and his boys, Tom and Shep. She knelt down to greet Tom, ruffling his hair as he laughed and showed her his toy train.

"I'm good Jared, I've got a show tomorrow so I should head out. Thanks for the invite." She said her goodbyes and followed Griffin out the back entrance, she heard his voice before she saw him.

"I don't give a shit Bob, I think after 10 years I've earned a little insight as to why I wasn't informed of the contract." Jensen gritted his teeth, a soft rain starting to fall as he stood by the SUV that would take him and the Padalecki's out for dinner as soon as they joined him. He wiped a hand over his face and let out a weary sigh as he nearly growled out a defiant 'fine' and hung up his phone, turning around just in time to see McKenzie come out the door and stop when she saw him.

They stood there in the rain, each little drop going unnoticed as green clashed with brown, neither of them able to look away as the tension between them grew into an almost palpable beat as the wind kicked up a little. She tucked her hair behind her ear, trying to take a deep breath but finding her lungs unwilling to let in the air. She couldn't read his expression, but she knew one thing, he wasn't happy to see her. She finally tore her eyes away and licked her lips, taking a step towards him, but stopping when he shook his head and turned away, climbing in the awaiting SUV and slamming the door shut.

She stood in the rain watching him and for an instant Jensen almost felt bad for the way he was treating her, but he knew he couldn't talk to her now, not until he could get himself under control. He watched as she tried to see him through the tinted windows, raking her hands through her now wet hair and slicking it back off her head before pulling up her hood and turning away from him, hugging herself tight against the wind.

* * *

It was Tuesday morning when McKenzie returned to the set of Supernatural, thankful for the day before off to gather her thoughts before having to see Jensen again. She wasn't quite sure what was going to happen but she really hoped that she could talk to him before starting to shoot, so she had arrived to set a full two hours before her call time. Ironically the first person she saw was Jenna, who showed her to an empty trailer and said she could head over to makeup in about an hour. She set her bag down and grabbed her script, heading out onto the lot as crew and cast scurried across the lot, working on the season finale in which she made her return on to the show.

"Hey Kenzi, welcome back!" She turned to see Misha standing behind her and gave him a quick hug, seeing Jensen walking up behind him.

"Thanks Misha, I'm glad we get to do more together this time around, I'm really happy to be back." She turned and looked pointedly at Jensen, hoping he realized she was happy to be back on set and working with him.

"We're glad to have you, I've gotta run but we'll catch up later." Misha darted off, his trench coat flapping behind him as he crossed the lot at an easy jog. She turned back to Jensen, surprised he wasn't trying to run off as well.

"Hi." She instantly felt her face flame, after all that had transpired between them, 'hi' was the best she could do. She let out a nervous laugh and tried again. "Look, I know no one knew I was coming back and I'm sorry, part of my contract was that I couldn't talk to you guys until the convention."

"It's not a big deal." Jensen looked anywhere but her face, concentrating on the tips of her ever present Chucks instead.

"It is and I'm sorry for my part. Look can we go talk somewhere?" He nodded and indicated for her to lead the way, falling in step beside her when she headed back to the trailer she had just exited. Once inside she leaned up against the counter, fiddling with her script as she tried to find the words she wanted to say.

"Just say it Kenzi." She looked up to see him leaning against the door, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes expressionless.

"Why are you so angry with me?" She was tired of this, tired of feeling like she was in the wrong when he was the one who had lied to her. She saw the flinch of his jaw, the muscle flexing once and then again before spoke.

"Why do you care? You made it perfectly clear you wanted nothing to do with me in Nashville and yet...here you are, in my world again. So tell me, what are you doing here?"

"Look a lot happened, it was bad timing and just...it was a roller coaster ride Jensen but its over. Can't we just be friends?" He pushed off the door then, drawing up to his full height as he took a step towards her, his eyes darkening and his fists clenching as he fought to not reach out for her.

"No, no we can't be friends. We can work together, I can even be fucking civil but we'll never be friends. You came in to my life and turned it upside down and then walked back out, you don't get to do that again." She scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest and jutting out her chin, the tension between them obliterating the air in the room.

"So you're the victim here? What about Lyla? Where does she fit in to all of this?"

"She's happily married to the father of her child and better off for it, not that its any of your business."

"Where the fuck do you get off Jensen?" She slammed the script down on the table, her hands going to her hips as she took a step towards him and resisted the urge to jab her finger in his chest just to emphasize her anger.

"I lied, omitted details, whatever, but you...you're just heartless. Twenty weeks Kenzi, that's how far along you'd be now. You flew back into my life and dumped it all on me, that I was a father and then I wasn't, that you cared about me but you hated the sight of me. And now here you are, pretending like that none of that happened. That we didn't lose a child, that I didn't lose you. I loved you Kenzi, I would have given my life for you and my child...but you never gave me the chance. Two weeks, you knew you were pregnant for two weeks and you never even let me know. I've been trying to grieve for something that isn't tangible, that barely seems reals to me. Did you get to keep an ultrasound picture? Do you stare at it and wonder? Because I don't know what that's like, I never saw my child, I never heard the heartbeat! I got nothing! And most of all I didn't get to hold you, I needed to be there for you...you took it all from me. I wasn't the man I was supposed to be for you and a part of me will always hate myself for that. So no, we can't be friends. I can be a professional, I can be civil, but you...you need to stay the hell away from me." He was nearly shouting, his beautiful face pained beyond recognition as she stared at him, tears streaming down her face as each word he spat at her chipped away at her until she was empty. She was as empty as the day she lost their baby. Instinctively her arms hugged her middle, feeling her body tremble and shake as she fought to draw in air, the broken sounds of her sobs sounding strange to her own ears.

Jensen watched her as she fought to remain upright, her hands visibly shaking as she clutched at her middle, her face streaked with tears and even then he couldn't deny she was achingly beautiful. His hand reached out of its own accord and she hesitated, studying his face as he closed his eyes and swore softly, feeling the brush of her fingertips against his skin just before he stumbled backwards. He snapped his hand back, the burn of her touch instantly making his chest tighten as he turned and left the trailer. He heard her cry out for him, heard the door slam shut as she let out a whimper and slumped to the floor. She curled herself in to a ball and cried until she couldn't cry anymore.

* * *

Four days later McKenzie boarded a plane to New York City, to tape a few night time talk shows and do a few concerts on the East Coast. She took her seat and studied the notebook sitting in front of her, the lyrics that she had been trying to write for days scribbled across the page in her loopy scrawl. Somehow she had survived filming with Jensen, thankful their on screen time had been limited, but in ten weeks it would be a different story. She would be flying back and forth between Vancouver and the European leg of her tour to film the four episodes she had agreed to appear in. Four days with Jensen had been rough, it had eaten away at her every day, to be so close to him and not have his smile directed towards her. He had proved good on his word, he was professional, he was polite but he was never warm, he never laughed with her, he never touched her unless he had to and when he did, she could feel the difference. It was a good thing the writers wanted tension and animosity between their characters, because they got in spades, the tension between them was felt by everyone.

She closed the notebook and looked out the window, her mind going over her last morning on set and the conversation she had with Jared.

 _"Jare, can we talk for a minute?" She had knocked on his trailer door early in the morning, having watched from across the lot as Jensen left for a scene with Misha. Jared had been the only reprieve to the animosity between herself and Jensen, without him she wasn't sure she would have ever made it through the week._

 _"Yeah, come on in." She followed him inside, fidgeting with the edge of her t-shirt once the door shut softly behind her._

 _"Look I know Jensen has talked to you, I know how close you two are so I'm going to assume you know everything. I know I don't have a right, but I need a favor." Jared studied her for minute, taking in the dark circles under her eyes that had yet to be tackled by makeup, the way she worried her lip until he was sure it would bleed and he couldn't say no to her._

 _"I'll do what I can, but he's made up his mind Kenzi, I can't change it, only he can." She nodded and handed him a package wrapped in simple brown paper, her hands visibly shaking and cold to the touch._

 _"Give this to Jensen, when you think it's the right time, just give it to him? I think...he needs to heal and this should help, I hope it helps. He might not be ok alone with it, he might need you to stay with him." Jared nodded and she smiled softly, a tear sliding down her cheek and she wiped it away, her cheeks raw from all the crying she had done lately._

 _"I can do that."_


End file.
